Friday, August 10, 2012

How to Deal With a Break Up

Breaking up a relationship is extremely hard on both the person who is initiating the break-up as well as the person who is at the receiving end. Whatever the circumstances, when a break up occurs, it breaks your heart. The jilted usually carry a lot of emotional baggage while the person who asks for the break up might end up feeling mighty guilty about it. Let's find out how you can deal with this situation.

1.) Accept the end - Once the break up happens, you need to put it behind you and cope with the negative feelings that well inside you. The most important thing is to accept it. Do not cling onto the hope that a miracle would happen and things would go back to normal. Do not hope that the break-up would be reversed by some magic and you would be back together as if nothing happened. This would make things unbearable for you. Rather, you should accept it. Accept that your relationship is over. Accept that the other person would not be there for you any more. 

2.) Respect yourself - never blame yourself for a break-up. Be kind to yourself and your feelings. Do not punish yourself and do not entertain thoughts of ending your life or anything as drastic. There is life after a break up and chances are that the right person is there out looking for you just at this very moment. Don't you want to meet that special person that God has created only for you? Respect yourself enough to give yourself another chance to be happy. 

3.) Pamper yourself for a while - it hurts when you live through a break up. You need to replace the negative feelings created in your heart (and which influences every part of the body) with positive feelings. The easiest way to create positive feelings is to indulge in yourself. Do something you love - go to the movies; go for a world tour or a great tourist destination for a great vacation; treat yourself for a special body massage or beauty treatment; start a new hobby; binge of some food you love; buy some excellent jewelry; etc. Center all your attention on your pleasure for a while. Wash away your hurt by indulging yourself. 

4.) Connect with your family - you will be surprised how wonderful the love of your family feels after or during a break up. You will realize how much love you are taking for granted while you are crying for the one love that is no more yours. Count your blessings in the love of your family, your close friends and renew these wonderful emotional bonds.

5.) Allow yourself to heal - do not throw yourself into new relationships immediately after a break up. Raw emotions would almost always give you the wrong reasons to forge new relationships. Look for new relationships only when you can look back on the broken one without pain. Learn from the relationship and move ahead. Do not use it as a leverage against the person who broke up with you. 

6.) Forget the revenge mode - falling in and falling out of love happens. It is sad - but it happens. Accept this as a fact and do not seek revenge for being set aside for another person. Break up are usually emotionally shattering because they are interpreted as rejection. However, it is not rejection. It is a way to say that "I am not getting what I want from you." This is fine - nothing personal. Everybody is entitled to their opinion and happiness. Respect this choice and forget revenge. When you hate or plot for revenge, you can never let go of the past. Remember, "Revenge is the confirmation of pain." It also ties you up with the past - never allowing you to really move ahead. Do you really want that? 

7.) Take up a new hobby - you might find that time lies heavy on your hands. Use that time to enjoy yourself. Read, watch TV or develop a new hobby which would occupy you and also bring you joy. You might even try to use your free time for a professional course or learning a new language. Keeping your mind occupied in creative activities is a great way to cope with a break up. 

8.) Time is the best healer - understand that it takes time for you to stop feeling the hurt n your heart. Give yourself the time to heal. Do not hurry the process along as if you do, the clogged emotions would erupt one day in a harmful way. Realize that the hurt would leave you gradually just as a wound would gradually heal. 

9.) Move on - aim ahead. Do all that you find possible to move on as normally as possible. Keep yourself surrounded by well-meaning friends and family with whom you could openly converse regarding your feelings. The more you are able to vocalize these feelings, the better you will be able to deal with a breakup. 

10.) Everything happens for the good - understand that everything happens for the good. Use this event as a learning measure for self growth. This is just a step in your journey towards finding the true love of your life. 

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