Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Domestic Violence

No woman deserves physical or emotional abuse. Abuse destroys a woman's spirit and leaves her incapable of creating her future and enjoying her life. The goal of an abuser is to gain complete control over the victim and turn her into his puppet. It is crucial to notice the warning signs of abuse early so that you can move out of the relationship before it is too late, or get your partner the professional help he needs.


    • 1
      Observe for signs of intense jealousy in the man. Abusers mask their feelings of suspicion and insecurity by exhibiting jealousy. An abusive man wants to know where you go every day and with whom, and what you talk about with your friends and family. Notice whether he calls you up every now and then or turns up at your place unexpectedly; this is a way to keep track of what you are doing. Beware if he gives clichéd reasons for his jealousy such as: he loves you so much that he cannot stay away from you for long and cannot bear sharing you with others.
    • 2
      Watch out for sudden mood changes. An abuser is happy one minute and angry the next, confusing and frightening you with his unpredictability; this is also a way of gaining control over you. Look for signs of extreme emotional reactions to even normal day-to-day things such as waiting in a queue; he behaves as if these are gross injustices that he does not definitely deserve.
    • 3
      Look for signs of violent behavior when he does not get his way. Such behavior includes yelling, banging doors and breaking things around you. Sometimes, abusers even direct their violence on children and pets, hitting or kicking them, to show you what they are capable of. The intention is to frighten you to compliance. Such people turn violent during arguments when they see they are not able to force you to agree with them. Such violent behavior can gradually grow into physical abuse.
    • 4
      Watch how he treats you in front of family and friends. An abusive man does not hesitate to shout at or humiliate his partner in front of others, saying things like "Your getting a promotion is nothing. Even a high school dropout can do the job you do." "You can't cook well or raise children properly." He does not respect her as a person or appreciate her achievements in life. This develops a feeling of insecurity and a decrease in self-worth in the woman, and she starts depending on the abuser to make her decisions.
    • 5
      Watch out if he plays the blame game. Abusers never take responsibility for their violent or demeaning behavior. They turn it on you convincing you that you deserved to be treated so. They say things like, "It's because I love you so much, baby. It hurts me when you talk against me and refuse to do as I say." Another well-known characteristic of an abuser is that he apologizes and cries after being physically violent with you. He pleads with you, says he cannot bear if you leave him, and promises not to repeat his behavior, a promise he never keeps.
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