Platonic Infidelity

Article Credit :  Anindita Ghosh / http://femina.in/

Not all infidelity is sexual, but the platonic variety can be more devastating to your relationship.

What if it isn’t lipstick on his collar as much as her number on his speed dial? Not all infidelity is sexual, but the platonic variety can be more devastating to your relationship. Here’s why.

When Rachita* Shah’s husband became distant both emotionally and physically, she feared he was having an affair. But all she could rely on were her instincts because there was no suspicious trail to follow. No unaccounted-for absences, no reports from friends about any other woman on the scene. Finally, one day, Rachita discovered chats on his laptop with a woman. “The endearments were flowing freely and, of course, hurtful conversations about how I was such a nag,” adds Rachita. “And when I confronted him, he was unfazed, as he claimed that she was just a friend and that I was being paranoid since they had never even slept together.”

IT’S EASIER TO HIDE

Dr Shirley P Glass says in her book Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust And Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity, “Whereas women tend to regard any sexual intimacy as infidelity, men are more likely to deny infidelity unless sexual intercourse has occurred.” Emotional infidelity is a kind of cheating that appears on the surface to be less harmful than physical infi delity, since the breach that occurs is subtle. According to Dr Sameer Malhotra, director, Department of Mental Health and Behavioural Sciences, Max Hospitals,“It’s serious because it means that your partner is communicating with someone else what he should be telling you. There is also a breach of trust and respect, since there is an element of secrecy that differentiates it from a genuine friendship.”

THE LINES ARE BLURRY

Since these affairs seem harmless, they can hide in plain sight—or on your newsfeed. With people spending more time online and at work than with their partners, the need for an emotional anchor outside the main relationship makes itself felt quickly and the solution is just a click—or cubicle—away. As Dr Glass explains, “…Friendships, work relationships, and Internet liaisons have become the latest threats to marriages. As these opportunities for intimate relationships increase, the boundary between platonic and romantic feelings blurs and becomes easier to cross.”

YOUR JOB HAS BEEN OUTSOURCED

One of the ways you know your partner is cheating on you is if he suddenly withdraws or excludes you from certain aspects of your life together. When 36-year-old lawyer

Bidita Banerjee’s* husband announced gleefully how he had reconnected with his schoolmates through a group on Facebook, she was unfazed. However, she started getting worried when she found her husband on Whats app with one of his old schoolmates all the time.“She was suddenly his greatest confidante. I was the outsider, while she was privy to all his thoughts and emotions.”

WHAT NOW?

If you and your partner have decided to put the affair behind you and move on, the first step is to repair your relationship. “Emotional infidelity often suggests that there are chinks in the marriage,” says Dr Malhotra. My experience has shown that less time spent together and a breakdown of communication is often fertile ground for such

affairs to flourish.”